


Someone to Hold Me

by LeoDrayThanatos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Bashing, HP: EWE, M/M, Slash, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-01-19 09:40:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1464640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoDrayThanatos/pseuds/LeoDrayThanatos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WIP! He was so tired of having to take care of others. He fullfilled his duty. The Dark Lord Voldemort was gone. Now, he wanted to live his life the way he wanted. He wanted someone who took care of him. Someone to make most of the decisions. He wanted someone to have a family with. Warning: Slash!, unbetaed as of yet, might contain some bashing</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Heey guys~  
> Here is something I had in my head for quite some time now and just couldn’t get out of it until I started writing it down.  
> But don’t worry, my other two stories aren’t, in any way, abandoned. I just kind of have a writers block with them.  
> So, until I can continue with those, have fun with this new story~  
> Enjoy, and please, review and tell me, what you think…!!  
> Cheers~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Sadly, I have to admit that I do not own any characters you will recognize from the Harry Potter series. They belong to the one and only JKR~  
> Also, as I don't own anything, I also don't make any money with my stories…  
> I only write for fun^^
> 
> A/N: heey guys~  
> Here is the beta-ed version of the prologue of „Someone to Hold Me", corrected by the lovely The6thAnon.  
> Have fun reading~  
> Cheers~

Prologue

He had done it. Voldemort was gone. They had won. He had won. After seven years of struggling, he could finally leave all the fighting behind him and start to actually live his life.

He would be able to go out all by himself without an Order guard following him around. He would be able to go buy himself some clothes that would actually fit him for once, wizarding and muggle ones. He would actually be able to let himself fall in love and start a real relationship without having to fear for his beloved's life every second of every day.

His dream of getting a big family also was coming closer to being possible. All he now needed was someone, to create said family with. And that someone most definitely wasn't Ginny Weasley. No. He wanted someone who would take care for him. After all, he had to take care of anyone for the last seven years, when before, he only ever had to take care of himself. Saving everyone else really was quite against his nature.

Though, who this person would be he didn't know just yet… All he knew for sure, was, that it would be a male. Because there was no way in hell that a female would be willing to take care of him for once. Au contraire, they would expect him to do so. And he didn't want that. Ever.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: heey guys~
> 
> It is finally here is the edited version of the first chapter of "someone to hold me", betaed by The6thAnon
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it^^

Chapter 1

It had now been two days since the defeat of the Dark Lord Voldemort by Harry James Potter on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The seventeen year old victor was still lying in his bed in the hospital wing of the school. Up until this day, no one had been allowed to come and visit him, as he needed his rest and the quiet.

But about fifteen minutes ago, the matron of said hospital wing, mediwitch Poppy Pomfrey, declared him fit enough for some short visits. And even then, the visitors were under orders to not, in any way, put some stress on her dearest patient. And though she trusted his closest friends and surrogate family to follow those rules, she didn't leave him unsupervised. Before anyone was allowed to go near his bed, she put some monitoring spells on Harry and his bed that told her if he tried to get up or even if he got emotionally distressed.

He was lying on his hospital bed and wondering who might be the first to enter. His bet was on Ron and Hermione, his two best friends… though; it might also be any other members of the Weasley family. Or Hagrid.

Then, the door to the hospital wing opened and in came his two friends, holding hands. A large grin split Harry's face upon this sight. He was happy that they finally found together, after dancing around each other for so long.

But he also was kind of jealous because he wanted something like that for himself.

"Harry!" greeted Hermione and Ron together. "How do you feel? Did you rest enough? Did you eat enough?"

"Hey, Hermione, Ron. I am fine, Hermione. And yes, I rested and ate enough; otherwise Madame Pomfrey wouldn't have let you in." Harry looked a bit uncomfortable about all the questions and continued hurriedly, "but, enough about me. How are you two? And just when exactly did you two get together?" he asked, grinning at the still connected hands of his two best friends.

Then he got serious once again. "Who all got hurt or died? Because so far, no one gave me any information." Harry pouted a bit at being uninformed.

"We are both fine. We only had a few scratches and were in and out of the hospital wing in about half an hour. We kind of got together during the fighting. When we destroyed the cup-horcrux. Those that died and we personally knew were Tonks, Colin, Lavender, Grawp and some others. No one else was particularly close to us." Hermione informed her best friend, sounding sad towards the end. Also, Harry could see the beginning of a tear in her eyes.

"What about Fred, Remus and Snape? I could have sworn I saw the bodies of Fred and Remus and Snape die in front of my own eyes."

"Well, they weren't really dead. They only looked it. But when Madame Pomfrey and the other healers that came from St. Mungos to help checked all the dead, they found out that almost half of all of those we thought dead were actually still alive, some only barely, but alive none the less. And Snape must somehow have had an antivenin to Nagini's venom on his person or, more likely, already in his blood stream, because that is what saved his life until he was found and could be treated." Ron looked quite sad at that fact, but Harry on the other hand was glad that the potions master had survived after all.

Hermione continued: "He only isn't really allowed to speak for another two weeks minimum to not permanently damage his vocal cords. But he is already back to scowling at everyone. But, I think, it is best if we leave now, because you most definitely aren't fit enough for being up a long time, and there are a lot of other people waiting outside to see you and Madame Pomfrey only ever allows two people at the same time to come inside."

"Okay. Bye. Do you come back tomorrow? So we could talk some more and also a bit longer?"

"Will do, Harry. Bye. See you tomorrow." And with that, the new couple left.

His next visitors actually were only a single visitor. Namely, Ginny Weasley. "HARRY!" she called and tossed her arms around his still weak and hurting body.

"Umpf. Hey, Ginny. I am really glad you are okay. But, could you please not hug me right now? My body still aches all over." Harry brought out. He felt really uncomfortable being hugged like that by Ginny. Also, during their time away, Harry had time to think for once – after all, what else should one do all night out in the wild not really being able to sleep? – and realised, that he didn't feel anything beyond her being Ron's little sister for the girl. He even thought that it might be possible, that he only got together in the first place with her to distract himself and also, to try and experience "love" for once…

"I am so sorry, Harry," although she didn't really look sorry at all. "I didn't know. I thought you were okay. After all, we were finally allowed to see you." The redheaded girl said and backed away from him a bit.

"So, how are you, Harry? Apart from the obvious injuries. Are you happy? Content? Glad that You-Know-Who is dead? Will you come and live at The Burrow with us?"

"Whoa, Ginny. I can only answer one question at a time. I am fine. And yes, I am glad that he is finally gone. Because that means that I will finally be able to actually live my own life the way I want to."

Here, Ginny started grinning; thinking that he would tell her now that they would get back together now the danger was gone.

"This also means that I'll get my own place as soon as I can get out of here. Because, as much as I love your family and The Burrow, I want something on my own. Where I can be by myself for the first time. Where I can just be. Where exactly that will be, I don't know yet. We'll see. And I will also not connect my home to the floo network and contact the goblins about getting set up their strongest wards around my property. Because, I bet, that I'll be hounded by reporters and other peoples all day and night" Harry told her further, thinking: 'Also, I don't want anyone to just enter my house. No matter whom it is.' "I hope all of you will understand my wishes." Harry said, and slowly he began to feel exhausted. It was rather tiring for him to talk and think so much after just lying there, sleeping and relaxing in quiet for a few days.

"But, what about us? If I want to come over to surprise visit you?" Ginny pouted, upset about the thought of not being able to go over to Harry's whenever she felt like it.

"After all, we can now get back together. Now, that the war is won and the danger is over. And it really would be so much easier if you'd just come to live at The Burrow until Hogwarts is back open again so we can finish our education. And once we got our N.E.W.T.s, we can go and look for our house together. Doesn't that sound much better than you now having to search for a house and getting it warded and everything, only to leave it stand there unoccupied for a whole year of school? Plus, The Burrow already has some of the strongest wards around it," she continued planning their future out loud.

"I am sorry, Ginny. But I won't get back together with you. And I really want something of my own. Plus, I am not really sure if I will come back to school once more, or if I'll just study on my own and take my N.E.W.T.s at the ministry or if I forget about them completely."

Ginny was gawping at him since his second sentence. She was speechless. Then, she found her voice again: "WHAT!? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU MEAN ABOUT US NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER? YOU TOLD ME THAT WE ONLY BROKE UP TO PROTECT ME! THAT WE'LL GET BACK TOGETHER AFTER THE WAR! You'll see sense that we belong together. Just you wait. I'll prove it to you. I'll-"

"Miss Weasley, could you please leave the hospital wing right away? I remember telling all of you that you are to not excite or distress my patient in any way. And you screaming his ears off and those of every other patient in here counts as such. Also, can you please inform everyone else waiting outside to visit Mr. Potter that he won't see anyone else today?" Madame Pomfrey had come over once Ginny started screaming at Harry and led her out forcefully by her arm.

"Madame Pomfrey?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"Would it be possible for Remus to be allowed inside for only a minute or two? Please?" Harry pleaded with the mediwitch. He really wanted to see his favourite werewolf to see for himself that he was okay.

"But only for a minute, Mr. Potter. You need to rest." And with that, she went towards the doors, opened them and beckoned Remus inside.

The werewolf didn't enter by himself. No. He was carrying a little newborn with him.

"Harry!" the werewolf hurried through the wing to his bed. "I am so glad that you are okay! And thank you for asking for me to come inside. Because there is someone I want you to meet. May I introduce? Your little godson, Teddy Lupin." With that – and a big proud grin on his face – the man handed the newborn to Harry, who took him with an excited look on his face carefully in his arms.

"He is so incredibly cute!" Harry cooed down to the little human in his arms. "But can you tell me, why did both Tonks and you, come here to fight? You were risking leaving your newly born son to become an orphan even younger than myself."

"It might seem stupid, but I came, because I couldn't let you fight him alone. I had to be here. You are my honorary godson. My cub. I let you down enough already, I just couldn't this time. And Dora came, because she wanted. Fighting the evil is her life. Was her life. And she also came, because she knew, that should something happen to both of us, that Teddy wouldn't be alone. He would have Andy and you to raise him. And Andy does no longer work and, therefore has the time to raise her grandson while you are at school or at work. And before Dora came here, she spoke about all this with her mother, to be sure. Personally, I didn't want her to come. But she is stubborn. Once she decided on something, you couldn't change her mind unless you bring up an argument where she doesn't have an alternate solution for. And as she cleared everything with her mother, that argument, the only with a possibility for her to change her mind, was off the table."

"Okay, I can kind of understand it from your point of view. But not from Teddy's. After all, you left him behind to fight in a war where you weren't playing a necessary, essential part. But, what happened happened and can't be changed. But one thing you have to know, I want to play a part in my godson's life. I want to help you. Both of you. Once I buy my house, you will both have your own room in it, so you can always come over, or you can bring Teddy over if you'd like to have a break. And I'll also set up a trust fund for my godson. No arguments! Sirius did the same for me." Harry said the last bit with a stern voice, while looking towards the werewolf sternly.

"Okay. If you really want to…" Remus sighed. After all, he knew, that when Harry used that kind of voice, one could say nothing to change the young man's mind. "But now, I think, we should leave. We are already getting the 'Get out!' look from Poppy. So, we see you in the next few days again?"

"Yeah, come back over with my little godson. I love to see both of you! And just so you know, on his first birthday I'll give him his first children's broom."

Remus rolled his eyes after the last statement, hugged Harry awkwardly so to not hurt the newborn still in his godfather's arm, took his son and left the hospital wing.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: heey guys~
> 
> It is finally here is the edited version of the second chapter of "someone to hold me", betaed by The6thAnon
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it^^

Chapter 2

On the next morning, once Harry woke up, he found a visitor sitting on a chair by his hospital wing bed.

This wasn't that unexpected in itself. What was unexpected, though, was who was sitting at his bed. Because there, on a comfortable looking armchair sat no other than Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master and Hogwarts' very own Dungeon Bat.

"Good Morning, Professor", yawned Harry. The potions master only nodded to him in answer. Then he holds out a piece of parchment to the teen.

'Mr. Potter,

I wanted to thank you for trying to help me in the Shrieking Shack after I was attacked by the Dark Lord and his pet snake Nagini. Although it surely wasn't necessary, as I had already been prepared for something like this to happen and you should have spent the time you had more productively.

But as it looks, you managed the impossible once more and survived the Killing Curse for a second time, as well as finally offing The dark lord of the century. For that, I want to congratulate you.

After everything you went through, I really hope, that you will finally be able to live your life the way you want to. And if you will ever need my help in this endeavour of yours, you need only ask. Because now, that he is finally gone, I want to be the person that stands by your side openly that I always wanted to be but couldn't.

And once you are fit enough to get up for a longer amount of time, we will have to go to Gringotts together, as I have a terrible feeling about some people misusing your trust in them when giving out your key. After all, I never once saw a Gringotts owl come to you when the monthly vault statements were due.

That is it, for now, at least. I really hope you get well soon so that we may actually get to know one another the way we should have a long time ago if it weren't for the dark lord and me being a spy. If you want us to, that is…

Regards,

Severus Snape'

Harry looked up from the parchment, not really knowing what to say. He had thought he knew his potions professor, but, apparently, he was wrong.

"Professor, uhm, I-I really would like to ge-get to kno-know you as well" he stuttered, because he wasn't sure how exactly to talk to this new version of Severus Snape just yet.

"If I may ask, sir, how long are you forbidden from talking?"

The professor conjured a piece of parchment and a quill and wrote: 'for another week and a half, why do you mean?'

"Because, professor, I definitely prefer talking with you over talking to you and reading your answers on a piece of parchment, don't you agree…?"

'You actually have a point there, Potter. Though we will have to make do for at least another week. Then we will see, maybe I will finally be allowed to talk once more. Because always having to write things down is not my favourite past time.

But, if you'd like, I can come here every morning for a bit so we can start with the getting to know one another slowly after all… it would give both of us something to do while recovering. And you could think about stuff you'd like to ask me the next morning and write it down. I will do the same. How do you think about this?'

"I think I would like that, professor. It would really help me not being that bored while I am being stuck here in this stupid bed. And, just to warn you, once you are allowed to talk again, I would like it if you could tell me about my mom. After all, you should have known her best, growing up with her and all.

But for today, I do have a question for you."

Severus Snape lifted one of his black eyebrows questionally.

"What is your favourite colour? I am just wondering because you are always wearing black, and only black. So, I am curious if it is also your favourite colour or if you just don't want people to think nicely of you, as the black lets you look all dark and evil?"

'A good question to start with. And no, my favourite colour is not black but emerald green. But for my reason of the choice of my clothing, you are correct. I only wear black to intimidate the students and also most of the adult wizarding population. After all, image is everything. And when teaching a sensible and dangerous subject such as potions, it is best to have your students fear yourself, after all, fear keeps everyone in place, something being nice never can accomplish. Also, with the help of the students fearing their teacher, they are less prone to not to listen and making mistakes than when the teacher is nice all the time. But, perhaps, if I won't return to teach that subject, I might be convinced to lighten up my wardrobe a bit. Only a little, mind you. And no red. Ever.

And as I now answered your question, I will ask you the same one back. What is your favourite colour?'

"I kind of understand your reasoning for appearing all dark and evil. But did you ever think that some students, like Neville, might have done better in potions if you wouldn't have loomed over them like some evil mastermind during practical classes? Just asking… I am really curious about how you would look in colours. But why no red? It could look nice on you. A pretty dark red, not Gryffindor red that is.

And for me, I mostly like green as well. Always have. And Hogwarts' houses weren't able to change that, as well. After all, I actually should have worn green and silver all those years. But that is a story for another time, don't you agree?"

Harry could see that his professor was speechless, literally – no matter that he was forbidden to talk, anyway – after this last revelation of his.

But before they could continue with their spoken and written conversation, Madame Pomphrey entered the Hospital Wing, brought a tablet with Harry's breakfast over and ushered the potions master out of her ward so her patient could eat in quiet. After all, the professor hadn't wanted to stay in the Hospital Wing, but preferred his own quarters to get better in…


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys~
> 
> Here is the new chapter for sthm~
> 
> Have fun reading and please, tell me what you think in a lovely review or pm…^^
> 
> Cheers~

Chapter 3

The rest of this day in the hospital wing went over pretty quiet, as Madame Pomphrey, after the debacle with Ginny the day before, did not allow any visitors for Harry at all. After all, he was still recovering.

Though, Harry wasn't really sad about having time for himself. He prefered it right now, because with being left alone all day, he was actually able to think about how Ginny acted the day before, and also, how to actually react to the new Severus Snape.

Having the choice between Ginny's abmyssal behaviour the day before and Severus Snapes strang behaviour the very same morning, Harry decided to start with the easier one first.

‚Alright, easiest would be to kind of pluck her sentences out one after the other and analyze them like that.'

A word and a blow.

‚Okay. Her first question, after the obligatory ones, was, if I would come live at The Burrow with the Weasley family. No way. If it weren't only for me to finally wanting my own place to call home, I most certainly wouldn't want to be mothered by Mrs. Weasley. Because, for all that I love her, I definitely don't need this right now. After all, after my whole childhood having to deal with problems and negative experiences by myself, I dont want anyone to help me. And, no matter what everyone says, in the end, I am not part of their family. As I have seen once the battle was over. Everyone was hovering around the pressumed dead Fred, no one, at all, was even looking in my direction to see if I was actually still standing… Not even Ron, who calls himself my best friend.' Harry actually still felt quite bitter about this. That no one cared if he actually was alright. It almost seemed, that, now that he did his so-called duty, killed Voldemort, no one was interessted in his well-being anymore. The only ones of whom Harry felt were really concerned about how he was doing, were Remus and Teddy Lupin, though the toddler didn't really understand what was going on exactly, Madame Pomfrey, and, surprisingly, Severus Snape. Other then those, everyone seemed to be busy otherwise.

‚"But, what about us? If I want to come over to surprise visit you? After all, we can now get back together. Now, that the war is won and the danger is over. And it really would be so much easier if you'd just come to live at The Burrow until Hogwarts is back open again so we can finish our education. And once we got our N.E.W.T.s, we can go and look for our house together. Doesn't that sound much better than you now having to search for a house and getting it warded and everything, only to leave it stand there unoccupied for a whole year of school? Plus, The Burrow already has some of the strongest wards around it." This is so NOT going to happen! And what exactly does she plan to do to and/or with me that she wants to come over for surprise visits…?! I mean, seriously? Does she think I, who lived with a death threat over my head for seven years now, would actually allow anyone free, 24/7 access to my home?!

And does she really believe that I will come back here for a whole year of school, here, to this place where so much bad happened? While yes, there were some good things happening here as well, the majority was bad. I mean: In my first year, I had to fight a troll, on my parent's death day, no less, my broom got cursed during a Quidditch match, I looked into the Mirror of Erised, which, while kind of a good experience with seeing my parents was bad nonetheless, as it showed me just what it was I lost, and I had to fight Voldemort on the back of my teacher's head.

Then, in second year, I got shunned by almost the whole school, except for a few, for being a Parselmouth, my best friend got petrified, I got chased, together with Ron, by large acromantule that wanted to eat us, and, last but not least, I had to fight a sixty foot long basilisk. During this year, nothing really good happened, apart, maybe, from meeting Dobby.

In my third year were the dementors that attacked me more than just once. And I was almost attacked by Remus in werewolf form. But I finally learned the truth about what happened on the night I got orphaned. And I was able to produce a corporal patronus and also met my godfather for the first time.

The triwizard tournament was just horrible all during my forth year as whole. And Voldemort's resurrection involving my blood was just the final high light of the whole terrible year.

Fifth year was the year the ministry found it funny to interfere with the school… With Umbridge terrorizing most of the students and teachers, torturing those that didn't follow the ministry's thoughts on Voldemort's return, those that didn't follow all of her stupid decrees. And with the visions from Voldemort, especially the fake one that led to Sirius' death. This was the one death happening during all seven years that Harry regretted the most out of all of them. Because, he was the reason behind it. If he wouldn't have fallen for the fake vision, Sirius might still be around. Of course, it would not be a guarantee for him to still be around, but there would still be a chance for it to be so.

After getting over the slight depression that occurred whenever he thought of Sirius, he continued his analysis of his experiences at Hogwarts.

During his sixth year, there were love potions, the potions book of the half blood prince which led to him injuring Draco Malfoy horribly, learning some things about Voldemort and Dumbledore being killed right in front of him.

During, what would be his seventh year, he spent most of the time on the run with Hermione and, if he wasn't a coward and false friend, Ron, and only arrived at Hogwarts for the battle itself. This was terrible. After all, he fucking died in the forest and no one even knew about it, as everyone only was concerned that he would off Voldemort.

Harry, now actually thinking about all of his time at Hogwarts, the supposedly safest place in wizarding Britain, after Gringotts, got quite disillusioned about the wizarding world in a whole. Because, seriously, if that many bad things happened in the supposed second safest place, and, on top of that, the place where all the young people were, and no one seemed to care about what all happened, then how was he supposed to actually feel safe here, ever…?! After all, everyone that was involved in even one single experience of his never got to see a mind healer to get over what happened.

Plus, all those adult wizards actually hid behind a child to safe them. A single child! And Harry was sure, that some of the things happening to him wouldn't happened to someone with parents to fight for them, like, for example, the whole slandering of his person in 'The Daily Prophet' during his fifth year.

'Okay, enough of this. The next thing Ginny mentioned was, getting married right out of Hogwarts. Just who does she think I am? I, who, while wanting a family, also wanted to see the world now that I would actually be able to travel? No matter if it would be by myself or with someone else. Well, this is also not going to happen. Because I have to live for once so I will actually know what it feels like…!

Okay, next point was, that, according to her, I promised her, that we would get back together once the thread of Voldemort was gone. But, as far as I remember, I told her, that I wanted to separate so she wouldn't be targeted especially for being my girlfriend. And, that we, once the war was over, might eventually get back together. I never promised anything. It really is unbelievable how fixated Ginny is with me. I mean, seriously, we are still at school. And she is only sixteen. This is not usually the age where one already plans ones own marriage and living arrangement and future children! This is supposed to be the age where you date different people to find the right person. To actually find out what one wants in a lasting relationship. Well, as I can't change how her mind works, I might just try to stay clear of her and hope that Ron or any other of the Weasley family won't take it too harsh with me not wanting to become an 'official' member of their family. Maybe, I should ask Madame Pomfrey to forbid Ginny from visiting me while I am still here…'

Finally having found a solution for at least one of his problems, Harry laid back in his bed and tried to get some sleep. He would think about Snape's strange behaviour after having taken a nap.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey guys~
> 
> Have fun with the next chapter of sthm~^^
> 
> Enjoy reading and tell me in a lovely review what you think…?
> 
> Cheers~

Chapter 4

Once Harry woke from his nap, he ate the dinner Madame Pomfrey had kept under a warming charm on his nightstand, before he took Snape's letter into his hand. He studied it once more.

'Mr. Potter,

I wanted to thank you for trying to help me in the Shrieking Shack after I was attacked by the Dark Lord and his pet snake Nagini. Although it surely wasn't necessary, as I had already been prepared for something like this to happen and you should have spent the time you had more productively.

But as it looks, you managed the impossible once more and survived the Killing Curse for a second time, as well as finally offing THE dark lord of the century. For that, I want to congratulate you.

After everything you went through, I really hope, that you will finally be able to live your life the way you want to. And if you will ever need my help in this endeavour of yours, you need only ask. Because now, that he is finally gone, I want to be the person that stands by your side openly that I always wanted to be but couldn't.

And once you are fit enough to get up for a longer amount of time, we will have to go to Gringotts together, as I have a terrible feeling about some people misusing your trust in them when giving out your key. After all, I never once saw a Gringotts owl come to you when the monthly vault statements were due.

But, enough of this serious stuff now, I really hope you get well soon so that we may actually get to know one another the way we should have a long time ago if it weren't for the dark lord and me being a spy. If you want us to, that is…

Regards,

Severus Snape'

Harry still wasn't sure what to make of this new professor Severus Snape. He acted like a completely different person to the one he knew for seven years now. Snape, dare he think it, actually acted the friendliest and unprejudiced of all the people, towards him.

'And just why was it, according to him, not necessary for me to try and keep the one man alive that I knew for sure had always had my back, no matter what? Yes, he was quite unfair in his treatment of me, especially in front of others, but he always was there to help or even safe me.' This fact really was quite unsettling for Harry. Why, yes, the professor might have been prepared for being poisoned by Nagini, it none the less didn't mean the professor would be annoyed for Harry doing what he thought was best at that time! After all, Harry really couldn't have known that he had the antivenin on his person. How should he? The bastard didn't tell him. Harry huffed.

And not only was the professor one of two, not counting his godson, who actually cared about what he, himself now wanted to do, no, he was also, apart from Remus, the only one congratulating and thanking him for getting rid of the Dark Lord Voldemort and didn't it just accept because it had always been his destiny to do so. 'I think he has no idea what so ever what his congratulation and thanks mean to me. This makes it all the more impressive and incredible. And, he seems to be the only one who actually realised that I really was hit with the killing curse once more. And that I survived the killing curse once again. This is definitely not something I will ever tell anyone because I really don't want it all over the paper how unnormal I am, once again. Plus, I don't want anyone speculating about how I did it. After all, the first time around can be explained by my mother's sacrifice, that invoked some seriously old and almost forgotten magick, but that would not explain this time. And I definitely don't want anyone to find out that I am the owner of all three of the deathly hallows. That would only send more people out for me and my possessions.

And, once more, did Snape prove his thoughtfulness towards me with mentioning, that he hopes that I will now be able to live my life the way I want to. Once again, he doesn't expect anything from me that I would not want myself. Au contraire, he wants me to finally be myself. This is quite sad, somehow, that my professor wants me to be myself, while my so-called best friends have expectations over expectations of me and already planned out my future; without ever asking me for my opinion on the whole thing!' Another annoyed huff escaped the seventeen year old. He was still annoyed and also kind of saddened by the behaviour his two best friends showed towards him since the end of the battle.

'The next paragraph: "And if you will ever need my help in this endeavour of yours, you need only ask. Because now, that he is finally gone, I want to be the person that stands by your side openly that I always wanted to be but couldn't." once again shows his noble intentions towards myself. There can't be read anything otherwise then I have it here black on white.' Harry was incredibly happy to have someone, who wasn't looked down upon by the wizarding world for a condition he couldn't anything against, by his side. Not to get him wrong, he absolutely loved Remus, after all, the man was the last parental figure he had left, but having someone who wasn't a werewolf on his side would help. Plus, Remus had Teddy, who should always be his first priority.

'The next paragraph of the professor's letter, though, is quite troubling: "And once you are fit enough to get up for a longer amount of time, we will have to go to Gringotts together, as I have a terrible feeling about some people misusing your trust in them when giving out your key. After all, I never once saw a Gringotts owl come to you when the monthly vault statements were due." I have to ask Snape tomorrow if it would be possible to send a letter to Gringotts tomorrow to ask about the state of my account, as well as a formal apology and explanation for our breaking into and out of the bank when we were after the cup. Hopefully he would even be willing to help me write it out so it will be as formal and proper as possible. And he is right, I never, not even once, received mail from the bank. But, I think I never actually thought about it, which is no wonder with me having not really a clue about how exactly things here in the wizarding world actually work. After all, I always was too busy fighting for my life to concentrate on the ways of this world. And it wasn't as if anyone ever tried to actually teach me something. The only one who would have, would have been Sirius, but he always either was not alone with me or we had other, equally important stuff do and talk about. Even if some might have only be stories about my parents and their friends, but that was, and still is, very important to me.

And thinking about mail, shouldn't I have received some kind of fan-mail? After all, if I now like it or not, I have been famous almost all my life, and not only here in Great Britain, but in other countries as well… and what of the stories that got published about me? Is there a way to actually prosecute all of those that spread lies about my person? I really have to ask that the professor. But, tomorrow. Now, I should probably write a short list of my questions for him and then go to sleep.' Harry yawned while searching for some parchment, ink and a quill in his nightstand and wrote his short list.

Things to ask professor Snape:

\- How did he realize that I survived the killing curse once again?

\- And if he has any idea how I did it?

\- Is it possible to send mail to Gringotts via Kreacher?

\- Could he help me write an apology for Gringotts, as well as the letter to ask after my vault?

\- Does the professor have any idea what could have happened with all the fan mail he should have received?

\- And if, maybe, the professor would be willing to teach him in the way of the wizarding world? Or lend him some books, at least?

With that done, Harry fell asleep, his last thought being that he was excited about his visit from professor Snape the next morning already.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heey guys~
> 
> Here is the new chapter of sthm for you to read~
> 
> Slowly but surely the story starts to go into a direction…
> 
> Please, tell me what you think^^
> 
> Enjoy, leo~

Chapter 5

Last time:

~Harry yawned while searching for some parchment, ink and a quill in his nightstand and wrote his short list.

Things to ask professor Snape:

How did he realize that I survived the killing curse once again?

And if he has any idea how I did it?

Is it possible to send mail to Gringotts via Kreacher?

Could he help me write an apology for Gringotts, as well as the letter to ask after my vault?

Does the professor have any idea what could have happened with all the fan mail he should have received?

And if, maybe, the professor would be willing to teach him in the way of the wizarding world? Or lend him some books, at least?

With that done, Harry fell asleep, his last thought being that he was excited about his visit from professor Snape the next morning already.~

~O~

The next morning arrived sooner than Harry thought. And with it, came the second visit of his professor and one of his two grown-up supporters. After all, one can't forget about cute, little Teddy-Bear!

"Good morning, professor", greeted Harry his visitor, who was already sitting in a chair beside his bed and reading what looked to be a pretty heavy tome on potions making.

The potions master nodded his greeting back.

"I hope you slept well, professor. As you asked, I put together a short list with a few questions I have for you. Shall I read it out to you or would you like to read it yourself?"

The professor took the prepared clip board and a quill and wrote on his parchment, before handing it over to the waiting young man on the hospital bed.

'I would prefer to read it myself. That way, I am able to already make possible short notes onto the parchment.'

Reading that, Harry handed the clip board back to Severus Snape, accompanied by his piece of parchment with questions.

Then, he watched the facial expressions of his potions and DADA professor while he read the six questions and was furiously scribbling down something on Harry's parchment.

Once he was done, he put the questions aside and took his clip board and quill and wrote quite a bit on the parchment on it before handing it over to Harry.

'Mr. Potter, I would like you to start with the most important thing first. Meaning, you will write up both letters for the goblins in Gringotts, and I will then check them over. Once they are both up to the standard of an heir of an Ancient and Noble House, an untrained one, which I want you to include in your letter, you will send them off with that shredded house elf of Black's.

Afterwards, we will talk about my knowledge of what happened to you and also, how we will proceed from here on. Although we might want to wait for an answer from Gringotts until we finalize our plans. Is there anyone you would like to be included in those plans or do you not trust anyone impeccable anymore?

About training you in your duty as the future lord of at least one Ancient and Noble House, I will look for some books and get them for you until tomorrow the latest.

I hope that is alright with you?'

"That is fine by me, sir. Will you read some more while I try to write that letter?" Harry only received a nod for his question. Glad that his professor had a way to busy himself, he took a fresh roll of parchment out of his night stand, as well as an inkwell and a quill.

Then he started with the first letter, the apology.

As he thought before, this letter was quite hard to write. To make it a bit easier on both, the director of Gringotts and himself, he wrote down the events that actually lead up to their break-in and -out of the bank in the first place. After over thirty minutes, Harry was done with the first draft of the first letter. He handed it over to his professor to proof read, while he started on the second letter.

The second letter was far easier to write. After all, all he had to write down, was, that he only heard about being an heir to a lordship the day before, and, that he, with having to think about Voldemort all the time, never actually thought about his vault and found it strange to never once receive a statement. Therefore, he wouldn't have any idea how much money he still had left and how it actually came, that he only had to give someone his vault key so they could extract some money for him? And once he asked about this, he also thought to ask how it came, that Dumbledore actually was able to give his key to Hagrid before his first year, in the first place?

Once Harry was done with this letter as well, he exchanged letters with the potions master and read over his side notes.

Afterwards, he took a fresh roll of parchment and made his second attempt at the letter. This time, he was done much faster and he also was more content with how he had written the letter then after the first time.

Once again, the two men exchanged the two letters, and while the younger one busied himself with rewriting the second letter, the older read over the first.

A third letter swap didn't occur in the same way the first two did. Because Severus Snape was good with how the first letter was written and told his student therefore, to put it aside to later seal both letters and hand them over to the house elf.

Once the second letter also was Okayed by the older man, the younger dropped a bit of seal wax he got from the professor on both letters, and, while the wax cooled, called Kreacher.

~O~

At Gringotts, London Branch, Director's office

Ragnok, the director of Gringotts' London Branch, sat at his desk once again going over the costs for the repairs done to the bank by the young trio of Hermione Jane Granger, Muggleborn, Ronald Bilius Weasley, sixth son of the poor Weasley family and Harrison James Potter-Black, the future Lord of, at least, the Ancient and Noble House of Potter and the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, if not more.

Thinking about the young future Lord brought him to another thought, one, where he, once again, thought about the strange happenings to his vaults. After all, it was quite strange that so many different people, who weren't even related to the Potter or Black family in almost all cases, something, that did not happen until the death of the late Lord and Lady Potter in October 1981. And the number of people accessing the vault seemed to increase with the years. He really needed to get the young man into his office to ask about all the movements in his vault statements, but so far, he, apparently, wasn't deemed worthy enough to receive an answer to any of his letters, even though that the young man was one of the few wizards to treat them with respect. But, as he was never alone when entering the bank, if he actually came by himself, for once, he couldn't ask the young one into his office without other people knowing about it.

Suddenly, the goblin got startled out of his musings by the arrival of a house elf, which holds two rolls of parchment out for him to take.

"Master told Kreacher to give these two letters to yous. Yous need to read this one first." This said the elf hold out one letter closer to the goblin than the other one.

"Thank you, elf. You may go back to your master."

"No, master Goblin, sirs. Kreacher was told to wait for yours answer by master. Kreacher is not allowed to leave before having letter for master." The elf was pulling on his huge ears while trying to tell the goblin that he had to wait for an answer.

"Okay, Kreacher, then you may wait. But it might take a moment for me to read both letters and answer them."

Seeing the elf nod in acceptance, the goblin took the first roll of parchment, broke the seal and checked the signature first. 'Lord Potter-Black, how interesting. I just thought about him. Well, let's see what he finally wrote me.' Eager to find out the reason for the sudden contact from this costumer, the director started reading. While he read further and further in the apology letter, he got more and more shocked about what this young wizard had to do for a whole community who was too cowardly to take matters in their own hands. His anger took over his shock and sadness, when he read, that the young people actually rescued Griphook and made a trade with him. After all, Griphook told him, that he got abducted and forced to help them break into the bank. 'It looks like we have a new candidate to clean out the dragons' habitats.' he thought maliciously. 'I have to give it to the young lord and his friends, they surely are brave. Every single goblin will respect them once he hears their whole story behind the break in. We all would be incredibly proud would one of our own have done this. I can tell with good conscience, that at least Lord Potter-Black will be welcomed back into the bank with open arms, the decision about the other two lies in what comes out of a personal talk with the young lord about his vaults. And, at least the young lord's part of the costs for the repair will be paid for by Griphook. But now, I still have the other letter to read. Maybe some of my questions will be answered by it.'

Sooner said than done, Ragnok laid down the first letter and took the second one, broke its seal and started to read it.

Soon, he was beyond angry. He called for his secretary to come right away. He ordered him to freeze all the vaults belonging to the young lord Potter-Black right away, call back all keys and to start an audit right away, going back until the birth of said young man.

Then, he wrote an answering letter and gave it to the waiting house elf.

~O~

At Hogwarts, Hospital Wing

At Hogwarts, while waiting for the answering letter from the bank, Harry Potter and Severus Snape were talking about the potions master's knowledge of his student surviving the killing curse once more, and also, what they would like to do with their life, now, that Voldemort was gone.

They were still talking and writing forth and back, when Kreacher reappeared next to the hospital bed, a scroll of parchment with a wax seal with the emblem of Gringotts in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry, but this is only an author's note to tell you the reasons for the delay of a new chapter...
> 
> right now I am in the process of writing everything by hand, so I should hopefully have a better grammar than before... also, it will hopefully help me in writing new chapters faster...
> 
> also, the first few chapters of this story are now off to a new beta... hopefully, they will beta it and then I will replace the old chapter versions with the new ones^^
> 
> however, I DO NOT PLAN TO EVER ABANDON THIS STORY!
> 
> cheers~
> 
> Leo Dray Thanatos


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Sadly, I have to admit that I do not own any characters you will recognize from the Harry Potter series. They belong to the one and only JKR~
> 
> Also, as I don't own anything, I also don't make any money with my stories…
> 
> I only write for fun^^
> 
> A/N: hey guys~
> 
> Although it is not yet the definitive version, it is already edited partially and it is ready for you all to read~^^
> 
> I have to warn you that I definitely won't be able to update that often anymore, because I startet an apprenticeship as a chef and it is not the easiest thing to get used to the working hours and also school…
> 
> But I plan to keep writing on this story and hope to, at least, update once a month…
> 
> And now, have fun reading and please, leave me a review so I know what you think^^
> 
> Cheers~

Last time:

At Hogwarts, while waiting for the answering letter from the bank, Harry Potter and Severus Snape were talking about the potions master's knowledge of his student surviving the killing curse once more, and also, what they would like to do with their life now, that Voldemort was gone.

They were still talking and writing forth and back, when Kreacher reappeared next to the hospital bed, a scroll of parchment with a wax seal with the emblem of Gringotts in his hand.

~O~

"Thank you, Kreacher", told Harry to the house elf as he took the letter addressed to him. He broke the seal and started to unscroll the parchment.

'Dear Heir Potter-Black

I am glad that you contacted me, because when I received your letter by house elf, I wasjust thinking about how to contact you without anyone knowing.

After the incident with your break-in and –out of the bank, I personally started looking into all of you three's dealings with our establishment.

What I found when I looked over your account movements, I was startled, to say it simple. Because the number of people withdrawing from your vaults is – quite blankly – unbelievable!

I sent you a list of all people withdrawing from your vaults accompanied with the number of withdrawals and the amount they took in total, as well as the date of the first withdrawal. I hope to look over your accounts together with you and maybe another person of your choosing once you are better. Until then, all your vaults have been frozen and a full audit – reaching back until your date of birth – has been started by me.

If there is anything that can't wait until you are better, please contact me again through your house elf.

I'll ask you to use the same way of contact to inform myself of when you are better, so we can make an appointment.

Until then, get well soon.

Best Regards

Ragnok

Director of Gringotts, London Branch'

Harry was shocked at what he just read and handed the letter to his professor, so he could look at the list. If he had already been shocked by the contains of the letter, it was nothing against the jolt he got from the list.

'Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore – 198x – 495'000G – 01.11.81

Vernon Dursley (transfer to his bank account, no direct withdrawal) – 198x – 198'000G – 01.11.81

Molly Weasley née Prewett – 91x – 135'300G – 01.01.91

Ronald Bilius Weasley – 85x – 8'500G – 01.06.91

Hermione Jean Granger – 80x – 8'000G – 01.11.91

Minerva McGonagall – 1x – 4'500G – 04.09.91

Ginevra Molly Weasley – 73x – 7'300G – 01.06.92

William Arthur Weasley – 1x – 250G – 25.08.95'

Harry also handed this piece of parchment over to the professor to read. He didn't know what to say. At all! 'WHY? Why Ron and Hermione? Am I not worth of having true friends…? Couldn't they have actually tried to be my friends…? And Mrs. Weasley? Couldn't she just ignore me instead of mothering me for money? Am I not worthy of the love of a mother…? Did my mum, Lily, actually love me or was it also just acting…? Am I so bad, such a freak and waste of space that I am not worth anything good without paying money…? No, wait, I am not even worth getting anything good when paying money… after all, the Dursleys got money for taking care of me… and still I was a freak and worthless, so worthless, that I didn't even get a real room-' Harry's thoughts got interrupted when the potions master touched him on his shoulder to get his attention towards the piece of parchment that was being hold in front of the boy's face to read.

'What are you thinking about, Potter? I hope that you are not thinking that you deserved what this parchment shows!' Harry handed the parchment back over to his professor and reassured him, that, no, he didn't think that he did deserve this. 'What about Snape? Is he also only friendly because he wants something from me? And if so, what is it he wants? Does he want to see me completely down? Humiliated? Hopeless? Giving up?' Once again, Harry's inner musings got interrupted by the man he was now thinking about.

'Do you want to talk about it with me? Or maybe with Lupin? Or do you want to wait until you can meet with Ragnok?

And if you don't want to talk about it with myself or Lupin, do you want to talk about something else? Or would you like some time to yourself to think about everything?'

"I'd like to be alone for now, please, sir." 'Because, when I am alone, at least then no one can betray or use me. After all, was that not how I used to be until I entered the wizarding world? Alone… Not loved, but at least also not made believe that I actually was liked and loved.'

~O~

Severus Snape, potions master, Hogwarts potions professor and dungeon bat, was concerned.

Concerned for Harry James Potter. The Boy-Who-Lived. His schoolyard nemesis James Potter's son. Gryffindor's Golden Boy. Member of the Golden Trio. The one boy he avoided from his beginning at school almost seven years ago. Saviour of the wizarding world. The Chosen One.

It didn't matter. He was concerned for the seventeen year old teenage boy that was currently lying in the hospital wing of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, who just read that his friends got paid to spend time with him, who just read that the women whom he saw as a surrogate mother actually was only playing an act, who just read that his relatives, who did everything but care for him actually got paid quite a bit every month, even during his time away at school. He had seen that the student was starting to fall into a depression. Although he would actually have expected some kind of depression or break down to come earlier. After all, he just had to kill someone. And while the dark lord might have been looking more like a humanoid snake than a real human, he was a person nonetheless.

'Lupin and I will have to keep an eye on thebrat'spsychical health. Because no one just gets over a betrayal as big as this. To find out that your best friends for seven years just were in your presence for money, and quite an amount to that, was awful. This betrayal having come on top of your own guilt about having to actually kill, could have unbelievable consequences. We will both have to help him pull out of it again and go on living. We may even have to help him getting some revenge. Although that won't be hard to ask of neither of us.'


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heey guys~  
> Here is the un-beta'ed chapter 7 of sthm…  
> I hope you enjoy it and I am rly sorry for the long wait .  
> As I mentioned before, the reason for the now slow updates is my apprenticeship… and if you are interested as to what all I am doing, here is the link to my blog: .com (slash) blog (slash) leodraythanatos [just remove the gaps and replace the worded punctuation with the actual punctuation…]  
> I will replace this chapter once it is beta'ed…^^  
> R&R!  
> Cheers~  
> Leo

‚No one will ever love me for myself… I know it… after all, how should it suddenly change after nearly eighteen years…?

Although, to be honest, I can't be certain about my first fifteen months on this world… Back then I would hazard the guess that everything was alright. Or at least, as alright as things can be during a war…

But then again, why would a couple, especially one still as young as my parents were, get a child in the middle of a war? Isn't that actually quite foolish and irresponsible…? No matter, that they weren't the only ones who were that foolish…

But, on the other hand, a lot of people who got children despite the war going on around them, at least were as sensitive as to not take an active part in the fighting. This is the reason most of my year mates still have one or both of their parents…

But, did my parents really love me? After all, I would have stopped fighting in the war if I would have become a father during it… But apparently, I wasn't important enough to them to actually retreat from their active fighting in the war… or maybe they could have left the country until everything was over…? There would have been so many different ways for them to insure the safety of at least my mother and I or my father and I… there would have also been a few ways to keep all three of us safe during the ongoing fightings… but, I guess, I wasn't as important to them as the war… after all, the war appeared to be more important because otherwise, they wouldn't have hidden in a small cottage right in the middle of it.

So far, I only met one single person who hasn't used me or sometime or the other belittled, avoided or lied to me. And that one person is the person that actually went to prison – although innocent – for me. That one person actually told me he loved me like a son. That one person who tried his best to stand by me no matter that he was a wanted criminal. And that one person, who died protecting me and left me all alone here on this earth. In this hell. Because that is what this place is to me. Hell.

The best would be for me to just leave once I am out of here. Just leave so that I will never have to see anyone from this world again. So that I can try and see how life for one my age actually should be like. So that I can try and search for someone who actually loves me for myself without knowing my history. Without even knowing the meaning behind my name. That would be one of my options to get a new life. The other one is not one I am quite ready for yet. Although, it would give me a chance to see Sirius again, it is too final a choice. Because, once I would have gone there, I would have no way to change my mind. Also, it would probably almost kill Moony. I am not so sure about Snape… and poor Teddy would no longer have a godfather.

That small boy, my godson, is probably my only real reason for still being here, I guess. He was one of the reasons I came back instead of going on to join Sirius and my parents. Because I didn't want him to grow up the way I had to. Without anyone except his grief stricken grandmother.

And while Moony and Snape might care about me by now, can I really trust them not to betray me?

After all, Moony didn't visit me once while I was at the Dursleys. He didn't even write me – who he claims to be his cub – a single letter. And after I met him in third year, he didn't write me a single letter either until the order got revived.

And as for Snape; can I really trust a man, who belittled me for years because of a grudge he had for my father? Who didn't even try to get to know me for myself but only saw my father? Who only started to actually care for me once he knew that the danger was gone? Yes, he might have protected me, but he could had at least told me that it was all an act back in first year…!

Looking at it like that, I will definitely be best to no longer let anyone close to myself for as long as I have to remain in the Wizarding World. Because I really do not know if I would survive another such betrayal.'

His mind made up, Harry tried to get some sleep. But it was a difficult task, because his thoughts wouldn't stop spinning around in his head. At the moment he was only sure of one thing: he had to keep anyone from getting close to him ever again or risk loosing himself to the psychological pain of betrayal.


End file.
